was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
