giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
