Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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