She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
