Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
