Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
