My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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