Just took my morning after pill in the library
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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