Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize