If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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