You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
