Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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