You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
