I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Randomize
