I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
