Hey man sorry I got all grabby
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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