I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
