yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
