Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize