two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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