Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
