Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
