oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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