I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Randomize
