You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
