respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
