Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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