wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
