i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
