I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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