I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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