I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize