Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
