I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
