Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
this boner is exhausting
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
