shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Randomize
