I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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