no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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