Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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