...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
