The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
one might say we're banned from that church
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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