I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
