Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
