You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
