I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
