My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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