Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
