so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
We named our party play list daddy issues
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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