hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
