I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
