I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
