You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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