You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
last night I used snow as a chaser
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
