I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize