Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
