I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
