I like my sex mixed with concussions.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
