I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
