So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
