I puked a lego.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
