I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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