My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
