We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
