i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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