But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
