The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
