First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize