FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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