puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
