You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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