There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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