I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
